For an introvert like me, “Home” is a sacred word. I love being on vacation and experiencing new places but home is where I’m happiest and most relaxed.
Home is an energetic “safe space” for those of us who learned early on that the world can be a very unsafe and chaotic place. As a child, I also experienced chaos at home and that’s probably why it became so important to me, once I moved out on my own, to make my home a true respite for the soul.
I pride myself on having a home that makes people feel welcome, relaxed, and taken care of. I want my workplace and my home place to be an extension of me. We spend far too much time in these places not to infuse them with soul-nurturing energy.
The Architecture of a Wonderful Space
Know what the number one requirement is for a place that is soul-nurturing? IF IT NURTURES YOUR SOUL!
Advice abounds in books, shows, and magazines on how to have the “perfect” home. While I think that there’s wisdom in some of the advice, especially if you have no experience “playing” with your home and don’t really know where to start, I have come to believe that “home” means different things to different people. Your sensibilities about your spaces are shaped by your personality, upbringing, personal aesthetic, dreams, and emotions. I’d never be happy in a sparse, modernistic home. But I’m also frazzled by overly cluttered spaces. It’s a feeling and I try to follow my feelings when it comes to making a home and you should do the same.
Stockpiling and the Burden of Our Stuff
I recently watched Doris, the Sally Field movie where she plays a quirky, colorful older woman who’s “stuck” in a few areas of her life and latches her Velcro affections onto a much younger man. What I gleaned as the takeaway of Doris: We can avoid the truly meaningful aspects of living by getting too attached to and buried under our “stuff.”
Whether physical stuff or psychological stuff, it still piles up and boxes us in if we don’t deal with it.
I’m excessively tidy. I’ll not make light of those who struggle with OCD by throwing out the “I’m SO OCD about cleaning” (though I suspect that if there’s a spectrum, I’m on it.) I drive myself crazy sometimes with my inability to relax if I see dust-tufts under the chair across the room.
I’m the person who gets comments like, “You make me feel bad about my house.” “You make me feel like a slacker.” “Why do you have to make it so perfect in here all the time?”
Or…jokingly…maybe…
“If this is how clean your house always is, I’m going to have to rethink our friendship.”
People have told me that my home is so warm, inviting, and pleasant to be in. (Even teen boys, who are walking combos of sweat, puppy, dirty socks and obliviousness have said this to me!) I do glow at the compliment and I pride myself on engaging every sense and giving off a certain “vibe” in my house but that’s not really why it’s so clean.
It’s this way because I literally can’t let it be dirty.
It’s this way because I’ve learned to manage my anxiety by managing my surroundings. It feels like my house is the only thing in this unpredictable, messy life that I can control.
Doris was a hoarder. Seems her mother indoctrinated her into this lifestyle and it stuck. What Doris was holding on to prohibited her from letting go in ways she needed to in order to move forward.
Have you ever known a hoarder? I honestly haven’t. That’s a psychological pile of used yogurt containers that I don’t know enough about to speculate on.
I think I know stockpilers.
I call it “Someday stockpiling” It’s the compulsion to acquire because something’s on sale or you have a killer coupon or it might be useful someday.
You know…someday…when you get around to it. If it’s not buried under two dozen pillow forms, a case of white cannellini beans, and a box of duct tape in every-color-of-the-rainbow plus camo.
I suspect stockpiling is the baby sister of hoarding. Hoarding-lite, if you will.
When you spend more time “hunting and gathering” supplies for a hobby or activity than actually doing the activity, then Someday Stockpiling has stolen from your joy.
When your sewing room starts looking like the Room of Requirement, then you’ll likely feel overwhelmed rather than inspired every time you step in there.
Someday can be a dirty word if we use it to delay or entomb our happiness.
I don’t pretend to know the answer to this but I do know that I’d rather collect memories and experiences. I do know that whenever I let go of excess in my spaces, I feel better, clearer, and freer.
Life energy flows better when we’re focused on what we’re giving out rather than what we’re taking in.
There’s something you’re supposed to be doing with all that time, money, and freaking glittery talent that will make the world a lovelier place.
I promise you, you have enough already. So, get to it.
Home Base:
Home can also be a source of stress for many people. The list of things that need doing. The way it only stays clean for five whole minutes. Instead of being our respite, it becomes a string of chores within one giant chore.
When I did my own Course Correct, this category wasn’t on it. It wasn’t an area of my life that I felt I needed to set goals in. But a friend who beta tested the course suggested the category. For her, making changes to her places and spaces was a priority. That’s how Course Correct works. That’s why it’s individualized. Not one-size-fits-all. We all have differing needs at differing times.
Do you want to be more organized? Deal with that junk drawer or junk room! Do you need to set systems in place in order to feel like you’re in control of your home or office rather than letting it control you?
Many people, not kidding, have told me over the years that I should be a professional organizational coach. I’ve got this thing dialed down. Therefore, it wasn’t something I felt needed working on. At least not right now.
But if you’re desperately craving a Course Correction in this area, perhaps I can share some of my tips in the hopes that something might help. My methods won’t work for everyone, but you never know… Give something new a try. It just might be the thing that infuses new life into your places and spaces.
Easing the mundane will free up time for those Goals and Dreams, right?
Some ideas:
Scheduling
I’m a scheduling fool. Whether this is due to my controlling nature or it’s simply the best way I’ve found to keep my house in order, is up for debate. Either way, it works for me. I’m not rigid and have to be flexible at times with changing schedules and plans but in general, I have certain days in which I do things and I stick to that.
The house gets cleaned on a certain day each week. The whole house. I find it much easier to tackle it in a couple of hours and have the satisfaction of kicking my feet up in a home that’s clean, than cleaning piecemeal here and there. In that way, it never feels done.
I generally throw a load of laundry in each morning. This may not work for you if you don’t have a washer and drying in your home. When I didn’t, I did laundry once a week at the Laundromat.
Change the sheets on the same day each week.
On Sundays, I plan out meals for the week and shop just once. The “Menu” is on a legal pad on a clipboard in my kitchen. I also keep a running grocery list there when things run out. My family teases me because I write things down as they are almost gone. That way, I’m never out of an item. I have maple syrup “in waiting.”
Every night, I spend a few minutes tidying up so that I wake to a house that isn’t chaotic in the morning. Fold throw blankets, fluff pillows, no dirty dishes. It really only takes a few minutes. A mess is no way to start a new day.
I attempt to touch papers just once. Meaning: When the mail comes in I sort it right away and toss any junk mail. If a paper needs to be filed, I do it right away. I’m not a fan of moving piles from one place to another. If I deal with it right then, it never adds up in a way that causes me stress.
A place for everything. Everything in its place.
Seasonally, I will do a light purging for donations. There is nothing quite so freeing and energetically clearing as letting go of things that no longer serve you. I love to have a homey home filled with trinkets and memories but for me, clutter and overstuffed cabinets, closets, and drawers just make my life feel overstuffed. Not only do I ask if what I’m about to buy is a need or a want, but I also regularly let go of things that do not get used or bring me happiness.
Your home is a reflection of you. It should be filled with what’s beautiful, meaningful, and useful to you and your family.
For many of you, this clearing out has been something you’ve wanted to tackle for a long time but it feels like such an enormous job that it’s become an overwhelming monster of a project. It doesn’t have to be. Purging is a job you can do one room at a time—heck, one drawer at a time! Whip out a calendar and write down one area on one day each week. It doesn’t matter if that one area is the cabinet under your bathroom sink or as big as your whole garage. Systematically tackle one area per week. Make three piles: toss, donate, keep. The keep pile should only be things you use or love. Don’t “someday stockpile” your hair products! If you haven’t used something in a year, it’s not likely you’ll ever use it. LET. IT. GO. Experience the lightness and expansion of clearing clutter and letting go of things. It’s an incredible feeling!
Beautifying Your Places & Spaces
It could be that organizing or purging isn’t your issue. Maybe you’re simply craving more beautiful surroundings, spaces that reflect who you are and how you want to feel when you’re in them.
First, get clear about what that style is for you. If you’re not sure, Pinterest is an inspiring and fun tool. Create your own boards and start perusing. You can search just about any topic: Shabby chic, French country, modern, minimalism, Spanish hacienda… start looking and start pinning! Making your space more YOU begins with knowing yourself and knowing what you like.
Once you’re clear on that, you can begin—as budget and time allows—to take the same methodical approach as you did for purging and clearing. One space at a time. Begin with where you spend the most time. Is that your kitchen? Living room? Bedroom? Do you need to make an oasis out of your bathtub area so you can pamper yourself more regularly? How can your life sectors intersect? If you have self-care goals, can that be enhanced by also organizing and enhancing your places and spaces? It doesn’t have to break the bank. De-cluttering and a pretty candle can do wonders in the bathroom. And take it from me, keep an extra lighter in your drawer so that something as simple as lighting a candle doesn’t become a pain in the butt.
The idea is to ask yourself, “What will make me happy?” and then setting it up so that happy is easy, within reach.
I have a trick for soft feet. I apply Vaseline under my socks whenever I’m not wearing sandals. What does this have to do with Places & Spaces you ask? Well, I keep the Vaseline and a small stool in my closet where my socks and shoes are. Voila! Like keeping the lighter in each room where you may want candles, it’s a trick to make life easier and to make doing things that you love doing for yourself easier as well.
Having systems in place for cleaning, clearing, chores, and decorating helps break down the job into manageable chunks. Chunking is a valuable concept when it comes to getting things done. In fact, the entire Course Correct concept is a form of chunking; of taking the whole of our lives and breaking it down into segments that we can then manage more easily.
Our Places & Spaces in the World
It could be that you need something much more than cleaning a closet. Perhaps your soul is woefully unhappy where you currently live. Are you a water person stuck in the desert? When you close your eyes and envision your happy place, what does it look like? Mountains? Suburbia? A brownstone in the city? A coastal town? Rainy? Sunny? Four seasons?
Where does your soul truly long to live?
Please don’t think that I’m blind to the realities of considering a move. I know that there are a million prohibitive factors when it comes to relocating: money, family, divorce, jobs, etc. I don’t want to minimize those challenges. But I do believe that in order to even have the remotest possibility of living in a place that makes you happy, you have to first allow yourself to dream, to believe in the someday possibility.
Whether it’s a move across town or a move across the country as my fiancé did, you can do the investigative work to make that dream a reality. The same methodical strategy used for beautifying your spaces can be used here. Work from the top down: Find your ideal climate or locations. Research housing prices and wages and the cost of living.
Right now, I live in a stunning location in a picturesque valley in the Sierra Nevada foothills. In so many ways, it’s perfectly lovely and I could be happy here forever. I’ve been happy here for over twenty years! But…after all this time…my soul is craving something else. For now, I wait. I have kids in high school and would never move them away from their father. But when they are in college and scattered hither-tither, all bets are off. I long to be closer to the coast. I long to live nearer to my best friends. I have fantasies about writing and pouring wine at a tasting room. Who knows where I’ll end up? But I’m willing to dream it into reality. I’ll keep adding to my “Sonoma Palace” Pinterest board and I’ll research towns and visit places.
I maintain a firm belief that I don’t have to let the winds of life dictate where I land. I can plant myself anywhere I truly want to. It may not be tomorrow or even next year, but I will live in a place that makes me feel grateful and joyful. I do now, but there are levels of joy and I want to level up.
Action Item:
· If Places & Spaces is an area in which you know you need to make a Course Correction, then make a list of what you want to do in order to revamp that area of your life. Purging and clearing? Systems to manage tasks? Redecorating? Moving altogether?
· Maybe you feel you need to do all of the above. Okay. We got this. Get clear on what’s most pressing and immediate to you. What can you take action on right away that will give you a sense that you’re moving in the direction of your Best Life and Highest Self?
List those things now.
