“What good does it do to be afraid? It doesn’t help anything. You better try and figure out what’s happening and correct it.” ~ Chuck Yeager
For most pilots, their first solo flight is one they’ll never forget. In my case, I didn’t know it was going to happen until my instructor had me taxi off the runway after some practice touch and go’s in the pattern. She opened the door, climbed out of the plane, and told me to take it around the pattern on my own.
Like being handed your first newborn child, there’s a part of your brain that yells, “Are you actually putting me in charge of this? I’m expected to do this alone, without supervision or a safety net?!”
As I rolled down the runway and took flight, I explicitly recall thinking; It’s up to me now. I have to do this. No one is going to rescue me. It’s all up to me.
That’s exhilarating and somewhat frightening.
Spoiler alert: I did just fine. It was an enormous boost in confidence and my belief in my competency.
Sometimes you just have to go full-throttle and take off to believe you can.
You might be feeling a similar sense of excitement and fear as you embark on this flight of self-discovery and change. Change is scary! It’s one of the reasons we avoid it. But I know from experience that forging ahead despite fear is true courage. I know the pride and sense of accomplishment that comes from doing what you thought you could not do.
Living our best life in accordance with our Highest Self is, in many ways, a solo flight. No one can fly this plane for you. No one should! It is your life and it is incumbent upon you to fly it. Practice, skill, surety in direction and navigation, understanding the mechanics, openness to course correct; these are all qualities that good pilots employ. These are qualities that you are drawing from as you fly from midlife to the sunset of your life. You are in the “left seat.” You are the pilot in command.
It’s up to you now.
“But I’ve tried to change before, many times, and failed. I’m tired of failing. How can I overcome that and give it another go-around?”
Overcoming Failure Fatigue
In pilot-speak, a “go-around” is when you abort a landing attempt when it’s not looking like a good approach or you detect a problem, or you’re feeling off about it and deem it safer to resume flight and have another, better crack at the landing. When you’re learing to fly, go-arounds are intentional and practiced very often. Why? For the rare time when it’s not intentional.
It’s expected that at some point, you will have a bad approach.
I’ve yo-yo dieted my whole adult life. I dropped out of high-school. I’ve written books that did not sell. I’ve had a loving marriage crumble in divorce. There’s a pile of rubble in my wake of broken diets and broken promises to myself.
Yes, I’ve been scared to try, try again.
But truthfully: I’m more scared not to.
I’m more terrified of giving up, of giving into failure fatigue and letting my last failure be the end of my story.
There’s a sign in my kitchen that reads: “Become a Possibilitarian”.
As long as I maintain focus on what’s possible, then my “failures” can stay where they belong; behind me. Besides, I’ve learned from every perceived failure. I know from experience that we are not what we did in the past. We can recreate ourselves anew every single day, with every single choice. You and only you can decide if you’re down for the count from previous unsuccessful attempts at change. You’re still breathing and as long as that’s true, you’ve got what it takes to go another round in the ring. Sure, you may feel like you’re shadowboxing with your “other you”; the one that wants instant gratification and for everything to be easy. But as long as you get up, dust off, and engage, you’re not out of the game.
It takes strength and courage to start over. Maybe more so if this isn’t your first rodeo. I liken midlife as a fresh start in its own league. It doesn’t matter if you’re just noticing premenopausal changes or if menopause occurred ten years ago. The point is that it ain’t over till it’s over and every day is a new day to change course. Think positive. The reason you envisioned your best life and Highest Self in the earlier modules was so that you’d have a very clear picture of where you want to go. Use that vision when your motivation is flagging. Look at your list of Whys. You might have days that feel like setbacks. Wind can kick up at any time. The point is to consistently and tenaciously keep moving toward the life you want.
Fear of Heights
Are you afraid to fly?
Of course, I don’t mean literally, in an airplane. I mean… are you afraid to soar too high in your own life?
Many of us are.
I used to doubt the notion of ‘fear of success’ but after reading, The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Henricks PhD., I became a believer. We have upper limit thresholds and will often self-sabotage to keep ourselves from experiencing the abundance, love, and success we want. It’s an eye-opening book that I highly recommend.
There are ways I’ve limited my success in different areas. There is still work I need to do to raise my own personal ceiling on success in various zones of my life. That’s necessary work because, so often, we will get in our own way when it comes to achieving and I don’t want that to happen to you when you are doing your Course Correct. It’s too important that you get off the road that’s made you unhappy or fearful about your future. You’re charting a new course and it may take new thinking to get you to go the distance.
The only thing I truly fear is regret. I don’t want to feel that pebble in my heart when the last day of my life comes. I want to know that, even though it’s not always easy, I did the most important thing one can do in their life; be the best version of themselves that they can be. No one said best equals easy. Highest Self is “highest” because sometimes, you have to climb mountains to get there. You have to soar to heights you hadn’t yet dared.
I believe this: the view from there will be vastly more glorious and awe-inspiring than the view from the easy road. Do not fear this challenge. If I had let fear control me, I’d have never lost 50lbs, or become a pilot, or parent, or a published author. Heck, I’d never have written this course in an attempt to help others! SCARY!
Who am I to tell anyone how to change their lives?
I’m just an average midlife woman. Why would anyone listen to what I have to say?
Will people find this course useful or even like what I’ve created?
Am I good enough? This one plagues me in so many areas…
There’s good fear and bad fear. The above thoughts are all pesky headwinds of negative thinking that I’ve had to overcome. I’m not immune to fears and negative thoughts. I’m simply stubborn enough to forge ahead despite them. There’s a good kind of fear that propels me forward—my tailwind, so to speak. That’s the fear of not living up to my potential, of regretting never meeting my Highest Self. I don’t want to look back on my life and realize that the only thing that stopped me was my “fear of heights.”
Action Item
· Read The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Henricks PhD.
· Find four quotes about overcoming fear (Pinterest alert!) and post one in your bathroom mirror, one in your car, another on your fridge, and one on your desk or place of work.
· Every time you feel Failure Fatigue or Fear of Heights creeping up, go back to your “Whys.” Remind yourself of the pain you stand to feel if you stay on the course that’s not in your best interest and the pleasure that awaits you when you Course Correct.
