Journal Entry: Feb 1, 2014
“For a very long time, I’ve been getting a strong message and urges to simply allow myself time off to unplug, play, bake, cook, be with people I love. I’m much too driven. I feel the imbalance.”
2014 was a big year for me. The first book in my paranormal series, The Light Key Trilogy, Scintillate was about to release within days of that journal entry. I was busy with final edits on the 2ND book in the series and plotting out the 3RD. I was also seeing a loved one through a terrible mental illness crisis. I was in a state of absolute overwhelm. An all work mentality, while trying to be Mother of the Year (Ha!) and caring for someone through a tough time, was the quicksand I was drowning in. Why ‘quicksand’? Because when we put everything and others above our own highest good, we sink.
I was sinking fast.
My post-divorce headspace was that I believed I had to work harder in every way, overcompensate as a mother so that my kids were happy and adjusting well to the changes, do more, be more. I was trying to prove something, but all I was proving was that I was a five-star juggler who’d left out the ball called ‘JOY’ from my act. And while I’d finally achieved the lifelong dream of becoming a published author, I was living from a fearful state that I’d never achieve enough, or be enough professionally, as a mother, and as a woman who longed to live an extraordinary life.
This craving for my life to be special and extraordinary was always there. Some could speculate that it was because of my very humble trailer park childhood. Others might pin it on a lack of self-esteem. While both of those are probably factors, what I know deep in my heart is that my spirit was telling me I was worthy and capable of living an amazing life. Aren’t we all?
An amazing life is your birthright.
More incredibly, you get to decide what “amazing life” means to YOU. Not to your friends, coworkers, family. Or, what society thinks is amazing. Our younger years are spent trying to dance to other people’s drumbeats. Now is the time to chart our own course. It’s also time to integrate all aspects of our lives, to use all of our gifts in that effort. Many of us neglect the marvelous resource that is our spirit and if we want to use it, we must tend to it.
That longing to rise above my circumstances is a gift and its one that has enabled me to live a life very different from the one I “should” have lived given my circumstances. Rising up takes tenacity and striving and passion and belief in yourself. But there’s a yin to that yang; there’s the need to tend to the softness, to the inner vs. the outer, to the activities that feed the soul.
“Soul Needs Time” has become an important component of my self-care. This is time dedicated to doing something that makes me truly happy. Because I matter. I deserve to be penciled in on my own appointment book. It’s vital to true happiness and if you’re neglecting to tend to your spirit, it should be part of your Course Correct.
“Soul Needs Time” is any time you stake your claim that what you are doing for the next little bit, few hours, whole day or days, if that’s what your soul truly needs, is to put the time and effort in to nurture and tend to your soul.
It could be a bubble bath, napping, reading an entire book in one sitting, journaling, painting your nails, working on that novel, creating something—anything, or cooking jerk chicken while you groove to reggae music with a Red Stripe beer.
Or maybe that’s just me…
I wish I could tell you that Soul Needs Time is scheduled hallowed time on my calendar every single day, or week for that matter! It’s not. Life snags me much as the next gal. Though, I have tried my best for that ‘easy like a Sunday morning’ vibe all day long on Sundays.
Sunday has become a verb around here.
The point of Soul Needs Time is, on any given day, to take a moment to ask your soul what it needs, really listen, and then honor yourself enough to carve out a slice of time in your life to actually do that thing. Even fifteen minutes can make a huge difference!
This is your life. You are the dot in the center of your world. Your soul is the pulsing sun in the center of you. Doesn’t something that important, that bright deserve to be penciled in?
“But there’s too much going on. People depend on me. My life’s too busy,” you say.
‘Busy’ is the drum we beat to make our lives sound meaningful.
What if meaning is measured by what we give to others as well as what we give to ourselves? Those two things are so very intertwined. When we give to ourselves, fill our own cup, our offerings are richer.
Not the pale, weak tea of giving but the Guinness of giving; rich and deep and frothy.
The world needs the sumptuous repast of you, not your damn crumbs.
Soul Needs Time is a Sabbath of the spirit.
“Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us.” ― Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives
Think of this gift to yourself as a holy endeavor. Turn your love and attention inward and tell yourself that you are worthy of being nourished and cared for. This nourishment and care can come in its most authentic form—whatever your unique, exquisite soul genuinely needs to feel less starved.
Ask it. It will tell you in the love language of YOU.
Then, fiercely and lovingly, give yourself some Soul Needs Time.
Action Item:
· If you decide that ‘Spirit’ needs some course correcting, here are some questions to ask yourself:
· Have I already been receiving messages from my spirit in this area? What are they?
· What do I REALLY need to implement in my life so that I fill my own cup on a regular basis?
· Have I been ignoring a longing for more dedicated religious practice?
· What small things can I do to nurture myself that also support my other goals? (Think bubble baths, walks, journaling, time to read, a hobby, massages, etc.)
· Would meditation, prayer, affirmations, visualizing, or some other form of positive, quiet input make me feel more positive and uplifted?
To give you ideas, here’s some of what I included on my very first Course Correct for myself:
*Signed up for Gaia – This is a subscription channel that has on-demand yoga, meditation, uplifting short films, documentaries, etc. I wanted to fill my time with more inspirational content than just surfing social media.
*Gratitude Journal – I made a commitment to write three things I was grateful for in a journal at the end of each day.
*Meditation – I vowed to make meditation a part of my daily routine.
*Do not say yes to things I absolutely don’t want to do – This was/is a big one for me. I’m a natural people-pleaser with weak boundaries at time. I needed to shore up this aspect of my life so that I didn’t fritter my time away doing things that weren’t in my highest good and also so that when I did say ‘yes’ it was out of a true desire to give of my time.
· If you’ve determined that this is an area in which you need to Course Correct, make a list of three to five things you’d either like to try or that you know you need to eliminate.
