“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey
Think of your Higher Self as the center of your compass rose – we spend much of our lives running around the outer track or sticking to just one heading. All lines lead inward to our center, the best in us, our Higher Self.
I wasn’t living in alignment with my Higher Self and that’s what led to this program. After years of feeling like my feet were clamped in a plaster of my own making, I wanted to free myself. This was a phoenix moment and I had to be radical enough to burn before I could rise up and be who I was always meant to become.
So why did I feel so conflicted about it?
Every day was a fight with myself between should and wants.
Why?
I once complained to a therapist that I often felt there were competing voices in my head, each with their own agenda. I would say I wanted one thing, and an equally strong voice would assert that what it wanted was the exact opposite. I felt like The World Championship of Debaters raged in my head. Was I crazy? Did everyone mentally shadowbox with different parts of themselves?
At one point in my life, I was a housewife and a mother to young kids. My inner Martha Stewart was running amok with her perfectionism and it was making me (and most of the people around me) absolutely crazy. That wasn’t really who I wanted to be, so why was I engaging in rampant nitpicking when I wanted to let go and ease up and just be myself?
My therapist said, “We can think of our psyches as having a few voices, much like a boardroom in a company. All the disparate parts of us have a say, an agenda, and have something at stake. Each want their input and desires to be heard, to be important to the whole.”
It was an image I never forgot, probably because it felt so true.
Sitting around the big conference table in my head were a motley cast of characters. I’ll introduce you to some of the key power players: Hopefully, this will get you to see that we all have conflicting voices with different wants and needs. It doesn’t make you crazy. It makes you human. That’s why it’s so hard sometimes—we either don’t know who to listen to or are giving all of our power to the wrong voice.
My inner-child
(Usually around the age of trauma or woundedness.) In my case, she’s very young and suffers from fear of abandonment, pain from neglect, and a huge certainty that she’s not worthy of love. She doesn’t speak much but presses out with her feelings like a superpower and has infused many of our choices with her massive fears.
My inner-man
To say I’m in touch with my masculine side is probably an understatement. I’m an INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging – Myers-Briggs) to a fault and have a very unemotional, distancing, definite, pragmatic side that:
a) Loves to man-splain things even though I’m a woman
b) Loves for other people to back the hell off cause I’ll take care of it my dang self.
My Inner Martha
She’s the voice that runs me ragged trying to prove myself through perfectionism. (Sorry to the real Martha if this is offensive but if I ever want to know how to loom my own monogrammed entry mat with fuzz I harvested from my own alpaca, you’re my go-to.) A harsh taskmaster, she assigns certain chores on certain days and doesn’t like excuses or throw blankets that aren’t folded. She has a certain image to uphold and it’s a castle built on the back of the Inner-Child’s sense of unworthiness.
Pragmatic Patty
Follower of rules. Planner of all things. Master of To-Do List. Killer of spontaneity.
My inner-teenager/young adult
This bodacious and resilient chick was running the show and had been from an early age. In fact, she stepped up and stepped in far earlier than she should ever have needed to. I’m forever grateful to her for that but we’re supposed to grow out of the adolescent phase, right?
Trainer Tracy and Lazy Susan
These two duke it out on the daily.
My Higher Self
There was the true grownup of the bunch, the wise older woman who whispered and urged, and helped make some of our better decisions on the rare occasion that she got a word in edgewise. My inner-teen bristled every time she came around. (Ever try to tell an eighteen-year-old what to do?)
In my journals, I’d taken to calling this woman my Higher Self or “HS” for short. She waited placidly in the wings; poised to step into her rightful place but the young juvenile star of the show wouldn’t let her.
HS was growing impatient. I could feel it like a warning.
It was becoming increasingly clear that it was time to name a new CEO of Tracy, Inc. Maybe even initiate a hostile takeover.
The truth was that living in a perpetual juvenile state was wearing on me, killing my spark, derailing my goals, and literally making me sick. I’d finally come to a point where I was willing to rethink EVERYTHING.
To allow the woman I wanted to become to emerge from inside of me, there had to be a true retirement of the woman I’d been—a changing of the guard. Overthrowing a government is a violent enterprise and I could feel the resistance come up every single time I contemplated change. Someone with the emotional maturity of a twenty-year-old, sometimes sixteen, directed much of my life. No slight to twenty-year-olds, but that is not the age that should govern your midlife and beyond.
To give my inner young-adult credit, she’s a tenacious go-getter. She is the energy of a stubborn young woman who won’t take anyone’s shit and who hasn’t been ready to let anyone tell her to sit down, take a back seat, or shut up and she was certainly not going to let anyone else take over her hard-fought life.
Frankly, it’s because she’s never trusted anyone but herself.
She had lots of reasons not to.
There are positives and negatives to the strong, stubborn energy of youth. The negative aspects are: lack of self-control, instant gratification, recklessness with my heart and the hearts of others, a truthful tongue to a fault, and the belief that she knows what she’s doing and doesn’t need to change a thing. She stomps her foot and says she deserves this extra glass of wine or a vat of chocolate.
On the positive side, that vibrant, pulsing energy has pushed me to be bold and go after my dreams. It’s made me jump out of airplanes and get my pilot’s license. It’s been the burning coal in my gut to fight for myself and for those I care about, and the causes I’m passionate about. It’s given me the courage to dare and live according to my own plan, no matter how crazy that plan seemed to other people.
God, she is fierce.
In the most real sense, that girl has saved my life—a few times.
But I was beginning to see that different crises call for different saviors.
Before my Course Correct, I was in crisis physically, mentally, spiritually, and professionally. And while I had no intention of abandoning my former selves (that’s probably their worst fear), I knew I needed to be led down this new path by an experienced, calm, wiser older woman. The woman who deserved to have her turn had been knocking on the door of our life while my adolescent pushed with all her might against her. The protracted battle of wills was fracturing me.
Clichés are clichés for a reason; because they’re so true that they’ve been oft-repeated and so I will speak this true cliché: I would not be the woman I am today were it not for the woman I’ve been and the experiences I’ve been through. Neither would you. I loved some of my habits. They wouldn’t be so ingrained if I didn’t. There’s a payoff to every behavior, even the unhealthy ones. We wouldn’t indulge in them otherwise.
What I didn’t love, was the way those habits shaped my everyday life and how they made me feel. I didn’t love how my energy was sapped from the inside out. I didn’t love how I looked. My mental focus was a winged thing, flying from one distraction to the next. It was affecting my work and my feeling of mastery over the details of my life.
When we do things for the sake of enjoyment, there shouldn’t be blowback in our quality of life. “Self-indulgence does not equal self-care.” The enjoyment was lessened over time when I saw, felt, and knew deep in my bones that those habits didn’t support me in being, looking, and feeling my best.
I didn’t love what I was projecting to the world. I wasn’t being my best self and therefore, was giving a lesser version of my life to the world.
I knew this.
I don’t keep secrets from myself.
We can ignore, delay, procrastinate, and stink-think all we want but the truth is still there, nagging with it’s…friggin’ truthiness.
The nagging feeling was akin to knowing there was another life waiting for me and that it would be better than my current life. I could sense it, beyond a veil between what I was willing to give up and what I was willing to work for.
Oprah Winfrey is quoted as saying, “Difficulties come when you don’t pay attention to life’s whisper. Life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you’ll get a scream”.
Chances are, you’ve had whisperings of your own. The wise woman or man in you has probably given grand presentations to The Board on the possible life that’s waiting for you if you’d just make these few tweaks and changes. Everyone in the boardroom pretended to listen but were really sleeping, laughing their asses off, or stubbornly insisting that things should stay the same.
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” they snickered into their beers and nachos with their screens in their hands.
“But it is broke,” the Higher Self whispered insistently. “Look around you.”
It was.
The brokenness has been showing itself for quite a while.
Journal Entry: 8-20-14
“I feel like I’m at a crucial crossroads in my life right now…It’s an instinctive, gut-level feeling that my body’s changing and that “the old ways” aren’t going to work anymore. When I do “diet healthfully” like I used to, almost nothing happens. I’ve always heard about women hitting midlife and the “wall” of it. I think I’ve hit it. Hard. Weight gain, lethargy, depression, addiction (wine, sugar, coffee) mental fog, lack of willpower, etc.
I feel torn in half. There’s a higher voice (I feel like the voice of my higher self has been talking for a few years and I’ve been ignoring it.) What’s the peril of that?
Here is what the Higher Voice (hope it’s not the voice of the Perfectionist in disguise!) says, “Tracy, this is a gentler time. A transition. Gone are the days of running yourself ragged for vanity and health. SABBATH of the spirit. Yoga. Less inflammatory foods. No alcohol.”
That one… ugh. But to say the voice wasn’t telling me that would be a gross omission that would’ve only served to keep me stuck.
“I’m between two warring factions. What I NEED vs what I WANT. I feel like the crossroads is this: I am almost 45. I want to live a long, vibrant, healthy life. The time for indulgence (and there’s been plenty) has passed. It’s been grand. Now, it’s time to consider the quality of the 2nd, quieter half of my life.”
“Enjoy, purely be grateful for every day. Simple things. LOVE. Flexibility. Strength. Serenity. Softness. Natural foods. Self CARE, not self-indulgence.”
“The thing is, it feels urgent. Yet…I seem to lack the strength. I hate myself for that. Every day is a battle. This is my crossroads. I honestly hope my higher self wins.”
Journal Entry: Dec 31, 2014
“I want to be able to say that I heard and heeded my higher self. That voice I’ve been talking about, ignoring, knowing and feeling its whispers to me. Here’s what I think she’s trying to tell me:
Rethink movement – The time for pounding myself into the pavement is over. Knees are complaining. Aches. Some will go away, some won’t, but everything I do now is laying the groundwork for my older years. Flexibility is key. A more balanced approach is needed.
Stop drinking – I almost couldn’t write that. Didn’t want to. Wanted the HS to be saying, “Moderation. You can still live the “good life”, which is what wine has signified for me. But is it really? It doesn’t make me feel good when I drink a whole bottle in one evening? Not Higher Self good. It’s bringing down my clarity and quality of life. It’s derailing me from my best expression of myself.
Enjoy relaxation time – This is a big one for me. I’m a workaholic and I’ve been writing, talking, reading, and promising about it for a couple of years. Obviously, my soul, my beautiful HS knows I am not allowing for pure “Sabbath” in my life.
(This isn’t a religious reference but a reference to a beautiful book: Sabbath by Wayne Muller, which takes a non-secular approach to the importance of taking regenerative, appreciative time in your life.)
“Work has taken priority but that’s just one aspect to life and there’s so much more. Whether it’s snowshoeing, reading, lunch out, or whatever, I need to do this to say I’m truly living.
Be still—HS says, “The things you’re struggling with (food, alcohol, anger) you are using to cover up. Get quiet. Really listen to yourself. Do what you can to be heard. Your soul has much to say.”
Gentler love—With myself, my kids, my lover, everyone. My tough love doesn’t work most of the time. It’s a relic of survival, a talisman I don’t need anymore. I’ve seen the gentler approach work with both kids lately. When we’re acting out, gentler love is what we all need most.
I think now that what I’ve been afraid to know and/or am avoiding is that HS is telling me lovingly to “grow up.” That’s its time for a different kind of fun; one of inner exploration and discovery. “Grow up” doesn’t mean “no fun.” I think my HS is trying to say that she wants to show me what life is about and that she knows the second half of my life could be such an adventure. That I must be “awake” and have clarity if I’m to really enjoy it.
This time next year, I want to be able to say that I listened.”
Spoiler alert, dear reader: I didn’t listen.
Years passed. Deeper pain ensued. How many years would I ignore the insistent positive whispers of this determined voice? She’s never given up on me, never walked away, or abandoned us.
It was I who abandoned her.
Journal Entry: 11-28-15
“For a few years, I’ve journaled about my “HS” Higher Self – this woman who longs for her turn, her chance to be fully realized. She’s radiant at any age because her radiance is built on true self-care. That doesn’t mean easy. But like they say, “Pick your hard.” It means caring more about myself and my future than I do my current habits.”
I’m sharing these very personal entries with you because I want you to truly know that I’ve been there. I understand what it feels like to believe you’ll never be truly happy. I’m in the trenches with you now, telling you that you can be. I’ve come to know, from the deepest part of myself, that the first step is listening to your Higher Self.
These are just a few of the entries and I became certain that there had to have been a reason that I’d been hearing, writing, thinking about this idea so much. It could only be good, particularly if I considered the source. I could see that it only wanted the best for me.
Was I alone? Weird? Did other people muse about their higher selves as if it were an actual person? I recently re-read Elizabeth Gilbert’s seminal book, Eat, Pray, Love, and was blown away when I saw this excerpt:
“…I’ve found that voice again in time of code-orange distress, and have learned that the best way for me to reach it is written conversation. I’ve been surprised to find that I can almost always access that voice, too, no matter how black my anguish may be. Even during the worst of suffering, that calm, compassionate, affectionate, and infinitely wise voice (who is maybe me, or maybe not exactly me) is always available for a conversation on paper at any time of day or night… Maybe the voice I am reaching for is God, or maybe it’s my Guru speaking through me, or maybe it’s the angel who was a assigned to my case, or maybe it’s my Highest Self…”
Wow. Many books I’d read over the years alluded to a Higher Self. For years, especially when I was younger, I understood it as an existential idea, maybe an all-knowing observer hovering above my life that could only be accessed through meditation or drugs or inherent holiness, which I was sure I did not possess. Those other writers, they did, but not me.
Now I see that I was always holy enough to receive her. She was the angel on my shoulder when my devil wanted to play, she was there in the advice I somehow gave friends that was more full of grace and wisdom than I thought I possessed, and she was ever-present as my intuition. She was always there, not that I always listened. But she never abandoned or ignored me in return. Now she was asking for me to allow her into being, to walk our walk, talk our talk, and love and mother and create, and strive as her—the highest version of myself. Because that’s who I was meant to be.
“The purpose of life is to create your Self anew, in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about Who You Are. It is to announce and become, express and fulfill, experience and know your true Self.” – Neale Donald Walsch
Action Item: Highest Self –Unpack this idea of your Higher Self.
This is one of the longer but arguably the most fun exercises of Course Correct. It’s massively important, though, because you cannot chart a course to where you want to go if you don’t know in what direction to head.
When I’m writing a book, I always have a rough sketch in my mind of the ending. Having that information allows me to write my book with the endgame in mind. If I don’t know where I’m going, how do I expect to get there? I might land there by pure luck, but I stand a much better chance if I have a blueprint.
Ever since I was in my early twenties and sitting in my car during my lunch break to listen to motivational Tony Robbins tapes, I’ve been a proponent of mapping out goals and dreams. You wouldn’t go into business without a business plan but it’s amazing how we just wing it in life without a clear idea of where we want to go or who we want to become and how, exactly, we think we’ll get there.
Extraordinary lives are deliberate lives.
Looking back years later, it’s astonishing to see how those brainstorming sessions panned out. So many goals I intended over half my life ago have come to pass. There’s no doubt in my mind that I create my reality.
I believe we have enormous power to create the experience of our lives. Even if you don’t feel that you’re an architect of how your life is this very moment, you are. That can be a bracing realization but it can also be exciting. It’s inherent with power.
At any moment, we get to start fresh, beginning with our thoughts.
Use that creative power to move toward a happier, more fulfilling life. Writing your most aspirational thoughts down is like planting a seed that germinates and flourishes in the light of your attention.
You cannot fully allow your Highest Self to emerge without envisioning her. Mine told me who she was in canny ways: my daydreams, my tastes, my goals, the joyful activities or parts of me I’d left behind in the busyness of motherhood and work and day-to-day life. My Highest Self wanted to be known and to do that, I had to write her out.
How else would I know when she and I finally merged?
How would I recognize her?
What if you gave serious thought to who you most want to be, expressed as YOU; the absolute best vision of yourself that you can conjure? Not what you think others expect you to be, but who you know, deep in your heart is at your center. The real you.
This is your life. You have free rein to brainstorm and dream and plan. You have all the freedom in the world to design your future, no matter your age or situation as you see it now.
I’m asking you to play—to give yourself a no-holds-barred, no restriction, anything goes visualization.
Envisioning your Highest Self is a powerful exercise.
Think near future enough to prompt action; 90 days, 6 months, 1 year—a timeline that excites you for the immediate future. But also think farther out, say 5 or 10 years.
This should be fun. No right or wrong. Just your heart and head speaking together to honor your highest vision of yourself and of your life. This is so important. Don’t just read this and skip over it!
Here are some “pre-flight” prompts; just some things to think about as you’re opening your heart and mind to your highest vision of who you are. You’ll notice that they’re mostly written in a present tense/already happened style and I’d like you to write it that way. I AM…
There’s two reasons for this: I want you to put yourself there, to embody your Higher Self as if she or he is already here in present time.
It’s creatively powerful to visualize in the present tense.
Reminder: this is a visualization of your ideal life. NOT of what you perceive your life to be right now. You are not answering these questions with present-day reality, are dreaming up future-YOU.
- *Is your appearance different? How have you changed? What do you look like? What’s your ideal style?
- *How do you feel? Are you healthy? Active? Flexible? Adept at a sport? Are you on top of any physical or mental medical issues you might have been ignoring?
- *What about your relationships? Are they full of connection? Are they deep, positive, fulfilling? What’s your ideal romantic relationship look like? How about friendships? Work/professional relationships? If you have children, what is the quality of the relationship?
- *How do you spend your leisure time? Do you have hobbies, creativity, play, or activities that spark you and makes life more joyful? Have you initiated something you’ve been putting off for years?
- *What about work? Are you retired? Still working? Is it where you want to be? What does your ideal day look like from waking up to going to bed?
- *Are you financially solvent? Do you feel secure? Have enough for travel or experiences you’d enjoy? What about charitable giving?
- *Is your faith or spirituality a big part of your life?
- *How about volunteerism? Giving back?
- *What about your leisure time. What activities fill your cup?
- *What “energy” do you wish to project into the world? If someone were tasked with describing your Highest Self, what would they say?
Again, there are no right or wrong answers and this is for nobody but you.
You have every right (and responsibility) to sketch out your Highest Self. I’m willing to bet you’ve had inner-promptings, urges, wishes, and dreams and I’m here to tell you from personal experience that you have the power every single day, to step toward that vision of yourself and your life.
Again, write in present tense as if it is already a reality. This is FUN! Play. Dream as big, as grandiose, and as fabulous as you can. This is not the time to censor or let your inner Judge Judy have a say.
When I did this, I wrote out my specifics. Everything from how my Highest Self looks to what she does for hobbies, to what awards she’s won for writing. Hey, I did say have fun, right?!
My visualization of my Highest Self is very personal and I’d advise you to keep yours close to the vest as well, especially at first, to avoid the naysayers who’d like to keep you in the “crab bucket.”
What do I mean by that? The theory goes that when you have two or more crabs in a bucket, they will effectively self-police to keep any one crab from climbing out. This analogy great to remember when you have fearful crabs trying to stop you from climbing to greater heights. Many people are much more comfortable with the status quo and significant changes can scare those around you.
This doesn’t mean that you can never share your innermost goals and dreams. I’m simply suggesting that you get a leg up and over the rim of the bucket first before you announce your plans. Your Course Correction community is the perfect place to air out your dreams and gain support!
Action Item #2 – Ideal Life Mission Statement
When you strive to be the best version of yourself, that will change how you present yourself to the world and impact every aspect of your life: relationships, work, goals, bucket lists, etc. So, start with you and work outward from there.
Write out a mission statement for your ideal life.
It’s more overview than your very specific Highest Self exercise. It’s a touchstone to remember what’s most important to you. Something you can look at or keep with you to remind you of where you most want to go.
I will share mine with you:
“My ideal life is one in which I am present in the NOW. My emotions are even and joy and gratitude are my predominant moods. I’ve found balance through caring for my body and spirit. My relationships are great because I operate from a place of love, grace, and compassion and a desire for connection.
I am optimally healthy. My weight is normal and I have more natural energy than I’ve ever had. I put myself first so I can care for others. I am flexible, at ease. My skin is glowing and reflects my healthy lifestyle. Blood tests are optimal and normal.
I am a best selling author and freelance writer. I have won awards and fans and acclaim for my writing ability. My abundant income has allowed us to travel the world, fund our retirement, pay for kids’ college and weddings. It stimulates me and keeps me challenged and fulfilled.
My friendships are authentic and accepting and joyful. We regularly spend time together and the bonds are forever.
My children are happy, well-adjusted, kind, striving people and my relationship with them is close, loving, respectful and strong.
My marriage is loving, fun, and solid. We surprise each other with thoughtful ways to show we care. We actively feed the romance. Our communication is considerate, compassionate, and stimulating. We are best friends and passionate lovers.
Independent. Proud. Free.
Be honest; haven’t there been days when you virtuously took truly good care of yourself? When you put your needs above your wants? Did you feel differently on those days? What did you do to feel that way?
I had plenty of those days. The problem was, I wasn’t consistent. It was just enough to give me a taste of the way I could feel if only I truly committed to the best in me rather than the mediocre in me.
When I set out to Course Correct my own life, I asked myself these two important questions and I’ve included a PDF that you can print out so you can answer them as well:
I feel in alignment with my Highest Self when…
What gets me out of alignment?
I’ll share with you how I answered these questions and why it’s important to consider. First of all, we can’t head toward a target we’re blind to. Maybe we’ll stumble upon some of it by accident but I don’t believe in living by accident. I want to live by design. I know that not everything I intend or design will come to pass, but at least I’ll have been aiming!
Secondly, it’s important to know when you’re on the right track and when you’ve jumped the track altogether. You’ll know by how you feel, mentally, spiritually, and physically.
Here were my answers:
I’m in alignment with my higher self when…
I am well-rested. When I pay attention to my relationships. I exercise regularly. Things are “in order” and I feel on top of the details of my life. I don’t drink too much alcohol. I tend to my different needs, ie: spirituality, health, creativity, and physical movement. I have solitary time. Quiet. When I am prepared. I paint my toes. I get a massage or a facial, special touches of self-care that make me feel cared for and tended to. When I read and when I write. When I’m not “stuffed” with food. I’m flexible emotionally. I’m flexible physically. I cultivate my friendships. I don’t procrastinate. I do my end of day skincare routine. I drink lots of water. I work in the garden. I pay attention to my physical appearance. I take my supplements. I eat healthily. I don’t watch TV. I am at a healthy weight.
What distracts me or gets in the way of my alignment with my HS?
Laziness. Procrastination. Committing to too many things. Overeating. Drinking too much. Traveling (often feel out of balance catching up when I return) Being overweight. Not taking care of my health. Not exercising, eating healthfully. Focusing too much on one thing. Too much social media. Negative thinking. Pretending that I always have more time to fix my bad habits. Ignoring my inner voice. Hating on myself. When I let outside circumstances upset my healthy routines. Peer-pressure. Avoiding my feelings and numbing out. Staying up too late. Eating too much sugar and caffeine. All or nothing thinking!
What I learned from this exercise:
I’m greatly affected by my thinking. I will let a temporary setback snowball into months or even years. I learned that binary, all-or-nothing thinking is not going to get me the balance I desire. I learned that negative self-talk will defeat my attempts.
I do see that I currently do a lot of great things on my list, BUT, they are the easy ones. I must be willing to make more effort to have more alignment with who I want to become.
In order to achieve consistency, I must remind myself daily of the many benefits of my good choices. I need to check in with myself throughout the day to gauge what to focus on.
As I’ve learned in the past, I must take care of myself first thing in the morning in order to achieve balance in the other areas of my life throughout the day. My intuition is right. I need to not only listen but ACT upon the messages. What I do today does matter. In fact, today is the ONLY day that matters. Our lives are nothing but a string of “todays”, pearls of days.
I get the notion to tell yourself you’ll come back and do the exercises later. I’ve been there! But please, take the time to do these action items (maybe call them checklists?) The time is going to pass whether we like it or not. We will meet our future selves, whether we like who we meet or not.
Aren’t you worth the time?
There are many tools you can use to do this: free-writing and journaling, vision boards, Pinterest, which I see as an electronic vision board and use not only for each book I write, but for many aspects of my life.
My “Highest Self” board is set to private because it’s not for anyone else. It’s just for me, to put visuals to the woman I aspire to be, even into old age. I highly encourage this. (I’ve even created a COURSE CORRECTION Pinterest board for inspiration on this journey.)
Pinterest boards are something you can click to on your computer, tablet, or phone at any time to remind you of your goals, particularly when you feel yourself sliding off course.
